hold my hand to keep me steady
by nanno
Summary: Time brings change. Nobody knows this better than Red and Green.


pokemon isn't mine, no copyright infringement intended, etc. etc.

* * *

"_Honestly_, Red, how are you ever going to be a pokemon master if you're scared of a little Beedrill?"

Green looks at Red's face as he hands the boy a bag of ice for the sting, who gratefully takes the ice and applies it to where the skin has become inflamed. His eyes are swollen from crying and his red eyes are even redder, but as Green studies his face, he tentatively meets his gaze and there's no expression in his eyes, not even anything besides the swelling to betray that he had been crying before. He's used to this look. It can mean a lot of things, as he's discovered before, but even Green isn't good enough yet to know exactly what those looks mean.

"I don't want to be a pokemon master," Red replies, pouting a little. He looks down, not wanting to meet Green's gaze as if he's done something he's ashamed of.

Green tries not to feel personally offended that Red doesn't share the same views as him, especially being his best friend. He's always dreamed of being a pokemon master ever since he saw his first pokemon in his grandfather's lab; hearing someone disagree with him was like a personal blow. But then he remembers this is _Red_ he's talking to; he shouldn't have expected much in the first place.

"I don't want to travel," Red continues, his voice even softer than before, "I don't care about getting badges, or meeting new pokemon. I just want to stay here."

Green can tell he wanted to say more, probably something along the lines of _"I want to stay here with you"_, but the motivation to do so dies and Red is quiet again because they both know one day, Green is going to leave. They've always known. Red has always been the one stuck while Green stayed behind to help, but that couldn't last forever. He couldn't be the one who had to stay back from exploring the world outside Pallet Town just to remove a stinger from Red's leg simply because he was too careless to notice he'd disturbed a wild pokemon's nest. Not forever.

He can see their future right now: Green would be the one going out and completing the pokedex while Red stayed with his grandfather and watched over his pokemon, sort of like a mother watching over a child while its father was away except without the marriage and the whole having a child part, and _probably_ Red the being a mother part.

He needs to stop thinking into this now. It's become too quiet. Red is watching him, looking slightly amused as if he can read his mind. He's always had the unnerving ability to see right through him when he least wants it. He hates it so much. He hates what Red does to him.

Red has taken the ice off his leg. "It's numb," he explains slowly when he sees Green's questioning look. Green doesn't know how to reply so he doesn't and the silence drags on, awkward though at the same time not entirely unpleasant. Red is glancing outside, trying to see past the trees beyond the window while Green is looking at Red, trying to see past his expression. He can't make anything of it, of course. It's that look again.

"How is it now?" he finally asks, after what seems like hours. Red seems to jump a little in surprise, the silence suddenly broken. He nods when Green asks, "Better?"

"Thank you," Red says, a smile gracing his lips. It's genuine and it makes Green fill warm like he's done something special, something more amazing than tending to some Beedrill sting.

Green likes being the stronger one, the one who always knows what to do. He likes being looked up to by Red and knowing it will probably always be that way. He smiles back and takes Red's hand to lead him outside to go play.

* * *

At first, Red doesn't notice when Green begins to subtly push him away. He can tell when the other becomes increasingly frustrated by his constant presence, but he figures it's due to some sort of natural phase that he'll grow out of. He doesn't really know how it works, of course; he's never really gone through one of those phases himself, but he figures he can tell anyway.

He doesn't know how he could have been so dense when he finally figures it out.

There aren't very many people in Pallet Town, and even fewer people the two of them could actually _play_ with, but as Green becomes more and more engrossed with Pokemon and becoming the strongest trainer in Kanto, Red finds that he's beginning to disconnect with the only person he's ever really been able to communicate with. It alarms him, but he doesn't know what to do about it, so he does what he does best: watch and see how everything unfolds from there.

He sees Green a lot outside, talking to the older residents of the town about pokemon and battle strategies. Personally, Red finds it all dull. He's never shared Green's ambition of raising a team of pokemon and becoming a champion and he doesn't even know what kinds of moves are super-effective against water types, except he _does_ have a vague recollection of Green telling him that Bulbasaur was strong against Squirtle or something to that extent.

Green hangs around his grandfather a lot now, too, probably because he's a great professor with a lot of pokemon and they get to discuss pokemon stuff with each other. He doesn't know for sure, because it's not like he's actually listened to their conversations, but he figures that this is _Green_ he's talking about, so if it isn't about pokemon than he must be a lot deeper than he'd thought.

Red wonders how it doesn't get boring.

He hasn't gone out much since they stopped playing together because he doesn't have much of a reason to now, but at his mother's insistence he begins to wander outside more. When he does, Red tries to avoid anything that has to do with Green, especially the lab, but Green's grandfather spots him playing outside near the edge of town one day and invites him in almost a little too energetically. He reluctantly follows, hoping Green isn't nearby.

"How do you feel about pokemon, Red?" Oak asks, and Red instantly stiffens at the question. He was too busy thinking about seeing his old friend in the lab that he didn't even consider the fact that he would be called in to talk about pokemon.

"Your mom is worried about you not being independent enough," he explains, looking at Red expectantly for an answer. He just shrugs, looking away. The professor sighs, looking unsure about what he's going to do with him, but Red is too busy looking at the pokeballs set neatly on the table nearby to care about how awkward he makes the situation.

Oak notices his curiosity. "Those are the starter pokemon. I'm giving one to Green after he turns ten. If you'd like, I can give you one too."

_After he turns ten,_ Red echoes in his mind. It wouldn't be that long until both of them are ten. After that, he realizes, Green will be gone, out on his own adventure to become a pokemon master, and Red will probably never have to see him again. He can feel his chest clench in pain at the realization. He still wants to be Green's friend; he misses the days when they would play together and they were still carefree and Green wasn't such a self-absorbed _jerk_, but he doesn't know if that will ever happen now.

He doesn't even know what he did wrong.

* * *

Green didn't know he was even capable of feeling as angry as he did when he found out that his grandfather was letting Red pick a pokemon first.

"He doesn't even _like_ pokemon," he snarls angrily as the two of them wait for Red to arrive at the lab. "He doesn't even know anything about pokemon. He'll be really weak. I bet he'll try to battle and he'll lose and come back to your lab crying."

"Stop it, Green," his grandfather silences him. In the shock of being reprimanded, Green's retort is lost and he's left to sulk in indignation.

He's becoming impatient at having to wait when Red suddenly walks into the lab without so much of an apology for being late. Green tries to hide how annoyed he feels and either he's really good at it, or Red doesn't care anymore when he looks over and says a hello without looking like he'd even noticed anything off. Green gives a reluctant nod in acknowledgement.

His grandfather leads Red to the pokeballs containing their soon-to-be pokemon. "Go ahead Red, pick one," he urges and Red picks up each pokeball, one by one, slowly examining each. It's excruciating to watch him and wait for him to decide; it's reminiscent like watching the grass grow. Green already-thin patience is just about nonexistent by the time Red decides on Charmander.

Well, now Green didn't have to worry too much about how long it would take for Red to come crying back; like he'd told Red a thousand times, fire was the worst idea ever for the first gyms he would probably challenge first. His chances of getting even his first badge were close to zero. It wouldn't even take him a week.

He can't help but smirk at how _weak_ Red is as he picks his pokemon, Squirtle. Red's already turning to leave without even staying to see what the other would pick, and Green bristles at how little he seems to care.

"Red," he says, effectively stopping him. "Let's battle." Red shrugs nonchalantly as he calls out his newly obtained Charmander.

Red then proceeds to beat him so soundly - and with his grandfather watching, too - Green's mind is left reeling. He stands in shock as the door closes quietly, leaving him with his fainted Squirtle, and he wonders why suddenly the days when they were just friends seemed so far away.

He decides to pretend it's not his fault as he returns his pokemon to its ball and walks out without a good-bye to his grandfather.

* * *

i admit, this isn't finished but i'm not going to work on it anymore and it seemed like it was all right on its own anyway. i hope it's okay, i haven't written in a long time. ): i'm so rusty.

also, i know it gets irritating for people to assume a certain pc picked a certain starter, but in my headcanon i've always seen game!red with a charmander even though in the manga he gets a bulbasaur, simply because charmander has a type disadvantage against the first couple of gyms and he's just badass like that.


End file.
